Friday, October 7, 2011

No Suprise for Christmas this Year

We are going to be blessed with a baby boy this year for Christmas!  His due date is Dec. 27th but maybe we can entice him to come a little early so we can be with family on Christmas morning.  This is my third child but my first boy and we could not be more thrilled!  Every child is a blessing but it will be fun to experience all the new joys a boy will bring into our lives!  This pregnancy is kind of interesting in how it all came to be.  We always knew we would be having a third child but for me, especially when it came time to the question of when should we start trying, brought upon a lot of self doubt and concerns.  Before we started trying, every month would come and I would ask myself is this it?  Should we begin?  Then another month would pass leaving me feeling confused on what I was waiting for and why?  This all revolves around the fact that with my 2nd pregnancy I had miscarried and it left me feeling really hurt and well upset at God.  I was determined to have another child so within months we did become pregnant with our second child.  Instead of feeling overjoyed and loving my pregnancy, I became sad and could not wait for it to be over with.  I experienced post partum depression for a long time after having her as well.  This turned into a 2 year process of not knowing why I was feeling that way or what I could do to make it stop.  However with time and strengthening my faith in God I started to answer some of those questions and became me again.  So with all of the contemplating I realized I was going back to my old habits of thinking I needed to be in control of it and if I wasn't I was afraid I would end up like I was. 

Well one month I decided it was up to God, I would put all my faith in him and trust that whatever were to happen would be what was best for me.  We became pregnant that month, later found out it was a boy, and even though I never really thought of having a baby at Christmas time was what was best it all makes perfect sense now and I could not be happier that I proved myself wrong. 

Just when you think you know everything you realize He Knows More!

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